VICTOR
Hey everyone. Welcome to the Healing Everyday Podcast. My name is Victor.
DEANNA
And I'm Deanna.
VICTOR
Deanna, how are you? It's, I haven't talked to you in a, I mean, I talked to you, but I don't, haven't seen you as much in a couple
DEANNA
Days. Yeah. I haven't seen you since like Friday, right? ?
VICTOR
Totally. Friday.
DEANNA
No, thir Wednesday.
VICTOR
No. Yeah, it was last week. Something.
DEANNA
Okay. I'm sorry, but, cause it's, Sorry. Summer, you know, Summer comes along and I like this all day today, today's Sunday, all day today. I'm like, is it Thursday? Is it Wednesday? Cuz I, like, I am not, um, you know, it's stuck to my calendar and I just have a couple of things with my kid going on. Right. Um, so I don't really pay attention. I mean, we talk a lot on the phone, but I mean, things are going great. I've been great.
VICTOR
It's been different with, uh, when summer hits. We don't, you know, talk as often as we would if, you know, we talk every day with when we're working and whatnot. But, um, but it's all good. Um, what we thought we'd do today, everybody is just keep it light again. Um, it is summer and we love to celebrate summer, especially when we worked really, really hard, uh, all year. And if, for those of you that are just joining us, uh, I have a company called Childhood Victories and we have, uh, we, we work really hard, dedicate our lives to helping children stay safe from unsafe touch. Um, that's the overall, one of our main programs that we do. Um, because both Deanna and I have been through this in our life and we, um, have gone through a lot and we, you know, we are really dedicating our lives to helping children. And that's why we call this healing every day because we're on this journey of, of healing. Uh, but with hard work comes time to relax and rejuvenate. And that's kind of what we've been doing. Uh, we're still working hard, but, um, taking more time to be with family and friends. And, um, so we're gonna continue that conversation today. And, uh, I know you had talked about something you wanted to bring up, but I'd love to hear we can get started with that. I think it's a very
DEANNA
Cool Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. So, um, I, my girlfriend Caitlin, you know, Caitlin, um, she's been one of my best friends since college. Um, she said that I like to dabble in things and that's a really nice way of talking about hyper fixation. Um, now I've never been diagnosed with A D H D. Um, it's, my diagnosis have always been like P T S D depression, anxiety. Right. Um, but I do think I have it and cuz I, like, I I I, I like to jump from like topic to topic and things like that, or or hobby to hobby. And so my girlfriend putting it very nicely says, well, you just like to dabble in everything. And I do. And so this summer, like last summer was really, really rough for us. Um, you know, my, one of my dogs almost died and then one of my dogs, my other dog did die.
We had like this huge expenditure for this plumbing issue in our yard. My, my son got really, really sick last fall. So like, all the things that I normally do in the summertime, that is really great. Like, like I prep my, my yard in the springtime, I, I clip everything down. Um, cuz I actually don't do fall cleanup. Like some people I leave a lot of it. Um, so any of the, like the larva and stuff that's on everything has a chance to winterize. And then in the spring, you know, whatever they do. And then I clean up afterwards. Right. Um, but I wasn't able to do like, trim my bushes back. I wasn't able to do a lot of the stuff I normally do because of what last summer was. And so this summer I got to get back to dabbling Right. And stuff that I've always done.
Right. Like get my deck ready and put all my, uh, I got those cafe lights. I've got like, oh, like 150 feet of lights throughout my entire yard. Um, but that's normal stuff that I do and plant flowers. But Okay. I'm, you know, I'm on TikTok and uh, I really love animals and I've been seeing a lot cuz once, you know, on TikTok right, like once you watch one video of something, it pops up a million times. Right? Right. I have been obsessed with people who have befriended crows Crows. Now Crows have like really powerful significance. They're, they're what they represent, I don't remember it off the top of my head. I'll look it up. But they, they, it's like a very powerful, um, symbolism when crows show up and there is a murder of crows that live in my neighbor's trees, but I call 'em my trees cuz I clean up after them and they hang, they hang into my yard.
And, and I've been doing research on how you can befriend them. And so I've wanted, I looked up like how you can, you know, in a way that doesn't disrupt the ecosystem and doesn't mess with them or put them in harm's way or they don't become dependent on you. Cuz that's important too. Uh, I've looked up ways because crows are so smart. Um, corvids in general, so like crows ravens, um, mag pies, I believe they, they have like the intelligence of like a seven year old child and they have facial recognition. Once they know you, they will not forget you and they will bring you gifts, they'll bring you shiny things and like little things. Right. So I started a couple weeks ago and they don't like to be watched. Right. So like, first I set up this little picnic table and I was putting stuff on it.
And then I went on and I, I started looking up, uh, like different food and stuff. So I got like un salted peanuts and there's different berries or whatever. Cause I put it out and this week I've been opening my siding glass door, you know, let my dogs out like 7:00 AM And there's crows everywhere, right? Like the, I think it's five or six crows that live right there. But I go out and, uh, there's two on my fence. And so I was like, oh, that's so exciting. So I go inside cause I don't wanna bother 'em, you know. But then I went outside to give them peanuts. This, uh, after, you know, maybe an hour and they were still there. But I come out and they all started calling and I was like, oh, they recognize me . It's like, they're like Diana. So, uh, . So I told my husband that I wanted to befriend crows and he knows how I dabble. I've been talking for like five minutes straight. I'll wrap this up in a second. Oh, I
VICTOR
Wait, can I just stop you? Yeah. This is very fascinating because growing up I, there was always like a negative thing about crows. Like Yes,
DEANNA
Yes,
VICTOR
Yes. That it was not good to, like, I don't see crows anywhere hardly ever anymore.
DEANNA
Well, there's a reason for that actually now, um, west Nile wiped out a ton of them in the Illinois. Yeah. Yeah.
VICTOR
Cause you don't see a lot of them, but go ahead. Get back. Get back. Yeah.
Okay. And again, I promise, I promise we can move on to something that other people are probably more interested in. But, um, me, my, my husband and I were standing out on the deck and um, I was standing on the steps a couple feet lower than him and he had his arms around me and it was very romantic, but he's looking at the yard and he's like, we're talking about the lights. We strung up and we have a bonfire going. And he goes, is is that a tray on the fence? I'm like, yeah. And he's like, are, have you, are you feeding crows ? I'm like, well, I told you I was going to befriend a murder of crows. Like, cuz that's what a group of crows is called, called a murder. And, and he just kind of stood there. He is like, I don't believe this , he's like, of all things to make friends with in the neighborhood. You're, and I'm like, well, I can't have cows and chickens and goats. Right. So this is, I'm befriending the crows. So that's what I'm very excited about this summer. A
VICTOR
Tray, what do you mean a tray on the fence? What kind of tray?
DEANNA
So, um, crows are pretty big, right? So what I did is I have, um, like, like there's tin trays that you can buy, but I just took an old like cake pan. A round cake pan. The only one we have. And, uh, I like a, and it's like this deep, um, so I can put the food in it. And also a cup of water cuz they like to soak their food before they eat it. So I put that there and then I drilled, um, deck screws into one of our posts so the tray doesn't fall. That's
VICTOR
Hilarious.
DEANNA
Mm-hmm. . So it's, it's going very well. And uh, they, I love it. I, I love it. We get bunnies in our yard. We deer come through and eat all my hosts. And I, I, I grew up a lot in nature as a kid. Um, and I spent a lot of time outside. And so to still have that and uh, kind of share with my son too, and my hu my husband just kind of deals with it, uh, is awesome. And so that's how I've spent part of my summer so far. Befriending the crows.
VICTOR
That's But didn't you get chased by one? Was that a crow?
DEANA
No, that was a red wing blackbird. They are vicious. Vicious. Um, they're very territorial. Yes. Red wing blackbird. So they're all black, but they have like a spot of red yellow on their wings. Actually, I don't know if it's their wings or they're bo it's on their wings. Um, and they will dive bomb you and like grab your hair and stuff. Yeah, there's, there's one place by my son's old school where I got attacked two years in a row. So I don't put on that road anymore, at least not while I'm walking. Uh, and then I was driving, you know, through um, my hometown where they, we have not the clock tower, but like, um, like the, to the, not the clock tower, the town hall, right? Yeah. It used to be the police station. Um, they were doing some work on there and me and my mother-in-law are sitting at the light and we're looking and there's a worker with a hard hat and it's just getting dive bombed by two of the birds. Really? They're crazy. Yes. So yes, I have been attacked by birds before.
VICTOR
Did you ever see the movie The Birds ?
DEANNA
No, I probably wouldn't like Birds as much. That's Alfred Hitchcock, right? No,
VICTOR
Alfred Hitchcock. Yeah. It's an old movie. Um, I think, I think it's fascinating just because that's not something I would do. Um,
DEANNA
No, most people I don't think would ,
VICTOR
But I just think it's so cool. I mean, you know a lot about, like, I've already learned a lot already from you just in the short time today about, about Crows. But now crows they don't, you don't attack, do they? Because I've never seen them really go after anybody, or
DEANNA
I don't, I don't know. I've never been attacked by a cat. Yeah, no. However, I do know that, again, I, I I wanted to do research cuz I never wanna interact with wildlife in a way that could be harmful. Right. So one of the things I also looked up is that they, they do eat baby birds of other, of other species. Right. And they do, I hear them fighting with the squirrels all the time now. I got beef with squirrels. They are so annoying. They exist, but like, whatever. But they, um, I hear them fight with the squirrels. I hear them fight with other birds. So, but what I read is like, that's a part of, you know, the, the food chain that is a part. So I wanted to be very careful that I wasn't like overfeeding them or giving them things that are bad for their diet or can make them sick.
Um, cuz I don't want them to be dependent on me. Right. That's, that's not fair. So I'm very careful with how much I put out there for that amount of crows. Um, and it's more, it's like just fun, you know? Yeah. Uh, but it is, it is very interesting and to watch, um, how they interact just in, in my yard. And then I know they go to all the surrounding trees too, cuz sometimes they're not there. It's just, it's cool. Uh, I'm definitely in my old woman's stage. I want to bird watch all that good stuff.
VICTOR
I, I think, I think that's part of, of life and, and dealing with things that people go through every day in their lives. You know, just, just, I mean, I'm not gonna get deep with it and say, you know, it's, it's a way of, you know, creating out of our pain in some capacity in terms of enjoying our lives in some way and doing something that interests you. And it's, it's fun and exciting and all that, you know, with, with, with, you know, my new house. I have this beautiful backyard and I don't know how to put lights up and all that, but I wanna have this. It's, it's got such a, um, wonderful vibe, um, that I'm really getting into wanting to spend the time back there. But it's my first summer and so, uh, yesterday not all my, my deck furniture came, but some of it did.
I put it together and sitting out there, it's like, it just opened it up to a whole, it's a whole new part of the house that I never really, you know, I I I just stained the deck the other day. I, I, I did the fencing around and now it's in like another room of the house, but it's outside and it's very beautiful and there's beautiful trees and all that. That's all part of, I think just enjoy not only the summer what we're talking about, but just, you know, life can be very challenging at times and it's just a very easy way to just unwind and relax. Don't you agree?
DEANNA
Yes. And we, you know, my house, I don't have a very big house. I love my home. It's very easy to clean. Um, but, you know, through winter it can, it can start to feel a little stuffy. So to get our porch or our deck, um, really ready for summer in Illinois where we live, you get, you can get like a good four and a half, five months out of your outdoor space. Um, give or take, you know, a couple weeks cuz it can get really cold in the spring and really cold in the fall. Right. Um, but it does, it, it becomes a new room from your house. And I have, you know, there's lots of priority things to do, but I so badly want to have like a screened in porch on part of mine cuz mine is huge. And or, or to put like, um, what do they call it?
A pergola over part of it, um, just to like expand that time we spend outside. But it does, it, it creates such a different, and I love sitting outside. Um, my girlfriend Caitlin and I talked about, she came over last night. You can get, um, fireproof mats to put on your wood deck that then you can have a bonfire on your deck within a Oh, it's awesome. So we were having a bonfire on our deck and you know, with the lights on and I, I use a dimmer, so they get real dimmed, real low and we're playing, uh, UNO and Yasi and just like, you know, not, again, not attached to our phones, which isn't the worst thing, but just trying to enjoy it more. I'm so excited to hear that you're gonna be doing that. It's awesome. Yeah.
VICTOR
I mean I did it at my other house too, but, um, that was already done and everything, you know mm-hmm. beautiful view. But this, this house has a very homey kind of, uh, just, it's very private. Um, and, and it just, it's very cool. Like the house, the, the garage is a, a detached garage as you know, but it's got like all kinds of greenery on the one wall and um, an archway and it's, it's very, very relaxing. Um, so last night we were out there and we turned the lights on. We did like a little ceremony. We turned the lights on for the first time. And it's very, it is just very relaxing. That's all I can say. So, uh, it
It is. I think it's great. Um, you know, I love, I love summer in the sense of, of family and kids and, and, uh, switching gears now, but my son, you know, he's on this new travel team and he had his first tournament this weekend. They didn't do, you know, they didn't get very far, but they had some really great moments. But it was just really neat to be outside and, and if you don't live in the Midwest or specifically where we are, um, it went from being very cold to very hot, very fast. So all of a sudden you go from wearing jeans, a sweatshirt in May to shorts and a t-shirt beginning of June. So it's, it's just absolutely crazy. Um, but I love, uh, you know, my boys are, are wonder, I have three kids. My boys are amazing. Um, they're very different.
My one wants to go fishing and I drop him off at the park and he's fishing and I go back to pick him up and I just see this little figure by the water and he's throwing his line in. And it's just really, it's, it's just, it's a great time of the year. And I think as I get older, uh, I start to really appreciate this opportunity to be, you know, and plus my kids are getting older so they're being like, they want to do things on their own, you know, it's so cra like, you know, yours is young and all that. And, and, but eventually like they get to a point where like, okay, I'm going out. I'm like, okay, don't you want to hang out ? You know?
DEANNA
Oh my God, no. I've been like badgering Harry to watch The Lorax with me for like three weeks cuz I've never seen the Lorax. And it's kind of an older move, like old, not older. I mean, it's all relative, right? But it came out a long time ago. Um, but I've been wanting to sit down and watch it for forever. And Harry, you know, he's the kind of kid who wants to watch 20 minute clips of, of Bluey or you know, 15 minute shorts of the Spidey show on Disney Plus, which is fine. Not a big deal. I'm sure it's difficult for some kids like mine to sit through a two hour movie. Right. Uh, unless we go to the movie theater and then he stands up and he turns around and he's like, you guys, did you see that? I'm like, sh no, you can't talk in a theater.
, uh, whatever. But he finally sat down with me, but like, it's like he's five going on 16, you know, um, finally getting him to sit down and after the movie was over he's like, mommy, that was a great ending. And I'm like crying. And I'm like, I know. And I'm just thinking about he's only five. I've got so much time to watch movies with him. Um, but it, it, it's already going so fast. And that's, that's another thing about summer that even even your kids who are getting older, it's, you get to do more stuff. You get to stay up later. You get to not be a, like a ball in a chain with work and school and like work priorities. I mean, I know there's stuff we have to get done, uh, like, you know, um, training new, uh, presenters and, you know, the, we, we have to record some stuff this, uh, closer to the end of summer.
But just getting to take time for ourselves and kind of lose track of the days in a sense. I don't think you do that as much as I do , but that's, to me, it's such a gift in the work that we get to do that I get to have summers off with my kid. Yeah. Uh, and you know, we work very, very hard during, during the school year and I'm, I'm like a different person during the school year. But to get to, to have that taste of just being home with my kid, even if he doesn't always wanna watch the Lorax with me is so cool. And I think it's, he, it is bringing this full circle. It is totally healing my inner child to get to do that. Cuz I remember the summers as a kid. Um, and this is not really related to, uh, abuse or neglect or anything.
I don't ever remember really doing stuff outside of like swimming in the summer with my, my dad or my mom or maybe going fishing sometimes when my dad would be willing to take us with him. Uh, a lot of the time it was me and my siblings playing outside together cuz both my parents worked. Right, right. And, and to get to spend the time with my son is pretty awesome. You know, that's time that not to make other parents feel guilty who don't get to do this. It's time that I don't get back. And I feel very fortunate, very privileged to get to do that with him, you know?
VICTOR
Yeah. I think that's great. Uh, I, um, I, I think, I think a lesson today too is to is to, it's okay to dabble. I think one reason why maybe you do lose track of time is cuz you do dabble and I'm, I'm always like this with my stuff and I I with my schedule and, and all that. Um, but I, I think dabbling , I think that should be the title of this. Learning how to dabble and just finding things that you're interested in. You know, my daughter, uh, Mimi helped me with, uh, putting the, the chairs together, the, the deck furniture. And she's like, dad, I love doing stuff like this. It's like Legos to me when I'm done with it. I feel a sense of accomplishment. And I said, well, good for you. You can do all of them because I, I, I'll do it and it's fine. And I do have that sense of accomplishment, but I just, to me it's like I could be doing other things mm-hmm. , you know, so it's different Yeah. For everybody. A hundred percent. So
DEANNA
It is, well, when we stand on my deck, um, I know like you for your railings and your spindles, it's not around your whole deck, which is kind of awesome. Ours, when we were about to buy our house, it was actually just the deck. Um, just a platform and it's, it's huge. Like it takes up half my backyard, it's probably as big as my house . And, and when we were, we did, um, an FHA loan, which was the first first time homeowners something. So there were of, we didn't have to put, you know, 20% down Right. But there were certain things that we had to do in order to, we had to have different inspectors come out to make sure, you know, the windows were good and this and that. And one of the things that they required in order for us to get the loan was for their to be handrails and spindles around the whole deck.
And we, so we were, this is tech, technically you're not. So they, they don't recommend doing this. But we were putting money into the house before we had even signed papers cuz we loved this house. It was so close to my in-laws. It was cute. It was, it was, it was small. Um, you know, again, we, we, our son was just born. We needed something. And so they're like, you, but in order for you to get this loan, there needs to be this stuff on the deck. And we were like, okay, is the homeowner willing to do it? And he said no. And we were like, can we pay for it? And you just say you did it. Yes. So we had someone come out, come do it, and it passed inspection. It was great. But because of how big the deck is, I mean there's so many rails and spindles. So when we repainted, it took Matt and myself five and a half hours to do the whole deck. Oh,
VICTOR
I, I, yeah, I could totally believe that. Cuz mine's so small. Uh, the deck, the deck itself took a while, but the spindles, it went by pretty quickly. Cause it's not that, you know, it's not that big. But yeah.
DEANNA
It's, but, but if, you know, again, um, Matt works, uh, throughout the whole year, you know, he, he's got good vacation with his job. You know, I think he gets a total of five weeks or something throughout the year, which is awesome. Right. And, but he doesn't have extended time off like we do. So if we were both working full-time, it would've taken us weeks to get through that weeks. Right. Um, but he was able to, he actually worked and then he got off work and I had been home already, like sanding down parts of it and, and like getting other stuff ready to go. And then we just knocked it out, um, from like two until seven 30 at night. Wow. And we were just, we were exhausted. Our backs hurt. But again, because I am so, like, once I get into something like I wanna do it, I'm, I'm a very one track behind, like the first year we got mulch, we got, and I don't know if anybody understands how mulch works, 20 yards of mulch is insane.
It was like literally a garbage truck's worth in our driveway. And, uh, I got, I, I would get like 30,000 steps in for like six days just spreading it out as much as I could. And, and so I, I don't know. I, I think that's part of my healing too, is I get to do these projects around my own house and I get to have the time to do it. Yeah. And, and some days I don't, some days I will sit on my couch or sit now out on the deck, um, and read or listen to a book or whatever it is that I'm doing because I can and it's awesome. It's so fun.
VICTOR
That's great. Yeah. And I, I think again, we, we always try to come full circle with what we're talking about in terms of, we might go off on a lot of tangents, but we come back, uh, in terms of what our topic is and what our theme of this whole thing is. For me, part of my healing is to, and I want my kids to be their own individuals and I want them to be independent. And again, I'm not the per, I'm not always perfect as a parent. However, I, I think part of my healing is to watch them and, and to, to be in their presence and, and to just see them growing up as individuals. And, um, not too long down the road, they're gonna be adults. And just to be, um, I I'm just so honored and, and I look at them and I think, wow.
I, I, I feel their, you know, we all have our things that we're going through, but I really feel that their lives are so much, uh, uh, better and, and full of, not that I wouldn't say I, I was, mine was lo lot, lots of love. But all the stuff that we went through, I, I don't, I'm, I'm really glad that they don't know what that's like because it was very painful. And I'm, again, I'm still going through different things that I'm dealing with every day of my life. And I have to navigate through that to, to, so I can enjoy the time with my kids. And so I'm hoping that when they're at that age, that they're just totally immersed. And again, life is, life, things happen, but I think they're much better off than what I was growing up at at that time. Um, so yeah. It's all part of the healing journey. I think. So.
DEANNA
It is. And I, like, I have found, and this has happened since I started therapy, so even before I had Harry, but I'm definitely more aware of it now that I, I have Harry and, and I'm, I'm a mom is being able to grieve and be sad and, and acknowledge the pain and hurt we had while still being present with our kids. Because even when you're, you know, you connect back with what we've been through, and it's not to necessarily compare it with our kids, but, you know, we kind of end up doing that. Right. We're still present even when we feel those feelings. Um, I think we talked about it many podcasts to go, or maybe I just talked with my therapist about it. I, I, we do zoom together. So honestly, I mixed this up with therapy, but I told her about sparklers and how as a kid, I never really did sparklers.
Right. Like, I remember a couple times, maybe we did or we did, you know, the, the pop rocks, you know, on the ground and, or like this snakes, right. Like different firework kind of stuff. But doing sparkler with Harry, and I wanna say it was last summer, I was so emotional and I was, I remember sitting there with him and being so happy, but then crying, like literally crying while I'm with him and thinking I'm so happy I get to have this with him. I'm so sad. I didn't have this kind of feeling when I was his age. You know? And I do think that's why I like to dabble in so much and do so much with Harry and include him because while I can't control everything that he's going to look back and, and be like, wow, I wish I had that. Uh, it's gonna be different just like with your kids, it's gonna be different. Hundred percent, You know?
VICTOR
Yeah, yeah.
DEANNA
Uh, fingers crossed, right? So, absolutely.
VICTOR
Yeah. Yeah. With that, I, I think, um, walk away with the idea of that it's okay. And it's great to dabble. I love the word. It's a great word, .
DEANNA
Yeah. Gotta, you gotta dabble, you know? Um, no. Yeah, shout out to shout out to Caitlin who came up with it. .
VICTOR
That's great. And then we wanna know down the road, you gotta let us know about more of the crows. I, I'm, I will, I'm really like, that's really interesting to me because you're the first person ever that has ever said that to me about trying to own crows
DEANNA
. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I do crows at my house and then at my in-laws house, they have a pond and I hand feed the frogs, so That's cool. I know. I, I've, I've got, I've got, I dabble, so. Okay, go ahead. All right.
VICTOR
Thanks everyone for being here today. Again, uh, please have a lot of content that we've created for you. Please share this with your family and friends. And then until next time, be present. Be playful and be powerful.
DEANNA
Yep. And be happy. Be healthy. Be safe. Feed the crows.
VICTOR
Feed the crows. Bye everyone.
