VICTOR
Hey everyone. Welcome to the Healing Everyday Podcast. I am Victor.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
VICTOR
How are you? De Deanna. I even couldn't say your name. . What?
DEANNA’
We, you know what? It's, cause we don't see each other every single day. I know.
VICTOR
It's so, it's so sad. But it's summer and we're both doing our thing. We have our families. Um, life is good. Life is really good.
DEANNA
It is. You know what, um, even recording the podcast, like we love to do the podcast, but we have planned to record this podcast. This is our third, third planned recording . Because we both have a, even though it's summer, we have, you know, other things going on that yes, sometimes it's work, but most of it is family stuff. Like, I know you've had, you know, family get-togethers and stuff, you know, with the kids and your siblings. And for me it's lots of doctor's appointments. And I'll talk about that in a minute. And, you know, with, with my son Harry, uh, I keep reminding myself I don't want his brain to turn to mush in the summer. So while we do a lot of video games and, you know, TV washing, I'm also making him do worksheets and like art projects and different stuff because I refuse to just let him do whatever he wants during the summer. Can I,
VICTOR
Can I interrupt you? I, that's an observation I've made about you. Everyone that's listening or watching Deanna since the time I've known her and since the pandemic, she has been probably the most proactive mom on the planet. Um, is that a exaggeration? Well, it's, it's true in my life and my mind, uh, because she has really been proactive with helping her son grow, uh, from all different perspectives. And it's, it's really great. I mean, it's summer and kids, you know, are, I'm sure he has an a lot of time playing and, and oh yeah. Doing his electronics, but you're really getting him to, to, to work, which I think is, is really uh, amazing. Really amazing.
DEANNA
Well, I literally talked to my therapist about it cuz we meet about once a month now. Cause I'm doing pretty good. But it, you know, I'm still working through some pretty deep seated patterns and stuff like that. But I said to her, I go, you know, um, you know, we'll talk about nightmares, we'll talk about, you know, my interactions for day-to-day going out in public, things like that because of my generalized anxiety, which is so funny because I'm a public speaker and I have generalized anxiety. And, uh, and then we'll talk about parenting because past trauma right? Impacts parenting. And, and a lot of it for me is the, the thinking about my parenting. Right? And that turns into feelings, turns into behavior. So I said to her, well, we're doing a lot, we're basically doing school Monday through Friday for up to three hours a day.
Not all at once, but, you know, so again, stimulating his brain. And I go, you know, we do about six worksheets. I go, I know that seems like a lot. And she was like, okay, stop. She goes, why, why did you say that? Seems like a lot. She goes to who? And I go, well, um, and she goes, well, let's sit with those feelings for a second, Deanna. And I hate that, but I love it. That's, that's why we go. And it turns out that in my mind, even if I didn't bring it to the surface until just that moment that I'm actually a bad mom if I, you know, set boundaries and expectations for my child and she goes, let's break this down. You know, you are doing, um, what a lot of parents don't have the opportunity to do. Most parents don't get summers off.
And she goes, did you know that parents who are very well off actually pay their, for their kids to go and do that all summer long? That's like what the really high end like tutoring tutors do and that like to keep their kids' brain going throughout the summer. And it, it was so interesting. And I've realized I do that with a lot of stuff with my son. Like, he doesn't, he's not enthused, he's not happy about reading time or doing worksheets. Um, but there's little pockets while we're working where he's like, that was pretty good, right Mommy. And like, it's awesome. And so I'm, I'm working through that. Those thought, and this is kind of what we're talking about today, these thought constructions that I make about my parenting style. And I go, well, I also think that sometimes, sometimes maybe Harry will hate me when he's older because I, I did these things he didn't wanna do. I go, I'm afraid that he is going to see me the way I see my parents. And she goes, well, you know, that's not, that's not based in fact, you are not your parents. You're not doing to, you doing to your son what you know your parents did to you. She goes, but that's a very important thing to talk about. But I'm projecting that. And she goes, and if, if he ends up going to therapy for doing worksheets in the summer, I guess you did pretty good .
VICTOR
Yeah.
DEANNA
Yeah. So, so, okay. Today's podcast, um, we, we've definitely touched on this before where it's not specific to trauma. We can all do this cuz we're human. But sometimes someone can say something to us or an event can happen. And when we experience that, that stimuli, we then create, uh, my therapist calls it a narrative. We create a story based off of that feeling, that experience that projects what's gonna happen in the future or, or what has happened. I hate to say blowing things out of proportion cuz that's kind of invalidating, but we create things that aren't actually there. And then it is real because of our feelings. Do you? Right?
VICTOR
I Mean, and then, yeah. Yes. And then it becomes a, uh, a downward spiral. I mean, in a sense in terms of it, it creates your day, it creates your mood, it changes how you are all because of things that are happening in your mind that are not necessarily true. .
DEANNA
Yes. And, and again, I, it, it it is real when we feel it. I mean the, I wanna talk about some, I'm gonna, you're gonna talk here for a minute cause I've been talking so much, which is not a bad thing, but this is a two person podcast. Um, but I know that, that I do that, that I feel something and then I wrap up in it and it is almost like, like what's happening? Those feelings, yes, they're real, the feelings are real, but what triggered the emotion is not. And I, I, I do that again with a couple of different things. But I, I have an event that happened in the last few months, um, that I shared with you and I'll share with everybody else here in a few minutes. Um, but I know that, that you have experienced it recently too, um, with, with someone in your life.
VICTOR
Yeah. Yeah. I, I, um, and this, this happened maybe about seven or eight months ago, but it's, and it's getting better, but, um, I won't specifically say, but I have a family member who, um, has been pretty destructive, uh, with the whole families, uh, in, in various ways. And, um, my sister who is, uh, battling cancer right now, um, I think it's good to talk about it from, from my perspective. Um, and she's, she's not doing very well. Um, and uh, interestingly, at one point she, she needed help from the family, uh, cuz she really couldn't work as much anymore. And, um, and, and she's been on a rollercoaster. She would get better and then get worse and then get better. Um, so I offered her to live with me. And, um, at the time I was in a dif different house and it was a bigger house, uh, and it had a lot of, lot of room.
And I said, um, come live with me. And that was not, not even a question, come live with me. You don't have to pay rent. Um, it'll just, it'll be perfect, unfortunately. I mean, I have three children and I, I, I'm not giving a give up one of my bedrooms, uh, for you, but I have so much room on the main floor, plus she shouldn't go up the steps anyway. Um, so I ga I said, I'll give you close off. I have a, I had a, at the time I had a, a dining room, and then I crossed the dining room, had like a sitting room, but it was big. I go, we can close it off. And that'll be a, that'd be like a little studio apartment. It was pretty big size. And, um, uh, her son, um, basically called me and said, I, I can't believe how selfish you are that you are going to not give my mother a room.
You're going to put her in a, uh, her own bedroom. You're gonna put her off to the side of the house. And I, I was completely baffled by by that, by that statement. And I bought into it. I bought into that whole thing. Wait, wait, wait, what? Like, you know Yeah, you're just, you're the most selfish person I know. And I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm allowing, you're a mother who's not doing well financially and you know, physically like to come live with me. And, um, and I bought into it and I created this story in my head that started saying, questioning who I was. Like, am I selfish? Am I, uh, you know, am I a selfish person? Blah, blah, blah. And that just created this, all this energy towards thinking about it. And I'll be honest with you, it took up time where I couldn't get my other work done.
And, and so that's the question. The, the, the idea that I bring up is just because we, we may do, and I don't consider looking back, that is not a selfish move at all. It was just because he, he, he was relying so much on his mother that if he, if he, if she would've moved in with me, he would've had no place to live. And I won't get into that, that's a whole nother story, but it was all on him, right? So I, you know, doesn't mean we don't do selfish things sometimes, but to put myself in the category, I'm a selfish person. Those are two different things, right? To say, you, you, you're a procrastinator. You question that, right? You do. You procrastinate on things. Yeah. You might have the, the ability to do that, but to, to label yourself is, you know, there's that, that quote, once you label me, you negate me.
So you gotta be very careful with how you we're gonna talk all about this. But when you label your yourself as something, you, you buy into it. And then you just keep creating that into your life. So obviously working through it now, I, I, I, you know, I, I I can't change the past, but, um, looking back, I, I, you know, I did spend way too much time on it. Um, and then I have to get validated from everyone else to be, you know, I talked to you, I talked to my other sister and, and they're like, no, Victor, you're not selfish. You're not selfish. But I'm at a place now. This is great. Cuz all these things that happened to us, I believe are all lessons. And I'm a much stronger person from that perspective. Like, you know, I, I could be sitting here going, we wouldn't have a podcast if I was dwelling in that all the time, right?
But I'm learning, you're learning from it. And now I just laugh now because I think it's, it's, it's ridiculous because I, I did what I needed to do for my sister. And, um, it was not a selfish move. It was very unselfish because my whole life would've changed. She would've been in my house and my kids would've had to change some of their things too. So, um, I think it's, you know, again, from a very basic level, everything that happens to us up to now are all life lessons. And it's how you, you deal with them. But to get more concrete, which is what we're gonna do today, it's like you got to, being aware of it, I think is, is the first step of really being able to change. Um, again, I'm not saying you shouldn't feel it. You're feeling it, feel it. It's, you're validating that feeling. But you don't have to live there. You have to just be aware of it and say, okay. Right. You could tell me all day long, Victor, you're not selfish. You're not selfish. But if I'm still thinking about that moment that he made that comment like, holy cow. Like, I have to work through that on my own. And, and then it just, it takes time. But now I look back and I'm like, wow. Like I'm not . You know,
DEANNA
You would love my therapist, Margaret. You would love her. I think we should all just be friends and she shouldn't be my therapist anymore. Um, what she calls, what she's been doing, I think she started in the sixties, you know, um, she calls it being a student of self. And, um, mindfulness is a part of it. And I know you deep, you deep dive into that, the time, you know, and, and being aware. And it is, the awareness is the most important part. It's not about shaming the feelings that you had or the thoughts that you had. It's that metacognition thinking about how you're thinking, how that turns into feelings, how that impacts our behavior, which goes back to our feelings, our self-worth, the patterns that we have. I mean, it is, it is fascinating how we do this. And I, I actually have to be very careful about how I, I look at all this and I internalize it because what I did to cope, especially in college, not the main way, but I would be so into thinking about how it works and like, like the, the mechanics behind it rather than feeling my feelings, right?
So I'm so fascinated by the science behind it and, and the, the behavioral triad, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that there are times where I'm like, oh, I understand that, that makes sense where I'm not actually internalizing and feeling my feelings. And it's, it's such a cool balance. Once, once you start to get into that place of not being fractured, but actually being whole, that it's not me and my body, it's just me. It's not me and my feelings, it's just me. Um, yeah, you're a total student of self. It's, it's so and so am I. It's such an amazing thing. And I, I also think, um, you know, we talk about family a lot when a family member says things that are very hurtful, and we're like, well, they know me. They must know. They, they must have a better insight. And I think that is why it can hurt so deeply, you know? Um, it's been a very long time since I've had someone in my family treat me on a level like that. Right. Um, very, very long time. Um, but even though it's been years, I mean, it, it's so painful and it really sticks with us. Uh, again, the feelings are totally valid, but it's those narratives, those stories that we come up with after where we, we are almost re-traumatizing ourself if we're not aware of it.
VICTOR
Right? Right. Yeah. Like, yeah, a hundred percent. And, and just the fact that, you know, I allowed, I allowed that to, I mean, it, it just caught me off guard, right? Mm-hmm. . And it was, it was now looking back, just saying, wow, you know, that was all based on his own feelings about the situation, how angry he was. And, and again, I won't, I don't have time to get into his story, and I don't really want to talk about his story, but just honoring the fact that, um, you know, what, what you kind of said was like, you know, are they saying something that I don't know, you know, like, are, are they, is there something? I don't know. And it's, it's just not that at all. And I think a lot of that, my reaction to that, again, it's all the work I'm doing that I didn't know and I wasn't aware of.
It's all stemming from my childhood and all resurfacing, because it's all these things that kind of took place. But I'm at a, a place now where I, I just think it's, it's really about total self-awareness and getting to a place where, you know, reminding yourself that you are worthy, you are a worthy person. Um, you know, do you, do you truly love yourself? And I, and I think a lot of people don't examine that they, they love other people. And, and that's, that's easy to do, to love other people. But can you really look within and say, okay, you know, do I love myself? Do I really care for the person I am and, and come from that strength and that out? And I think that's really extremely powerful.
DEANNA
Do I deserve to love myself?
VICTOR
Right?
DEANNA
, you know, I, that's another major theme that I talk about in therapy is I think I am undeserving of receiving love even after all these years. And it's not constant. It is not a constant feeling or thought that I have. Um, but it does come up and it'll come up at what feels to me at the most random times. But as, you know, shout out Margaret as she points out. It may be random to my analytical self, but deep down, it is not random. It is coming up because of something, something around me. I don't always know what it is, you know? Um, or like, again, parenting, oh my gosh, being a parent and trying to be present, aware, loving, setting boundaries, you know, making sure that I'm raising my child not to be everyone's problem, you know, that he is a functioning adult in society later on in whatever way that looks for him.
But there will be moments where I'm, where, where he's being so affectionate and so loving and, and I see him off doing something without me hovering over him. And there's moments where I'm like, I don't deserve to see this. I I don't deserve to witness this, to have all of these beautiful things that I have. Um, which is not true. It's not true. But I, I do make it real by listening to the voices. Again, so often I talk about my parents of what my parents taught me as a kid, you know, and again, just to go to, to go back to the point of the podcast is, I, I'm not trying to just get over all of it. I don't wanna invalidate my feelings because those feelings, my patterns that I have helped save my life when I was a kid. And I refuse to put any more blame on that little girl for doing what she had to do to survive.
I'm not gonna do that. Instead, I'm learning to live with it, to, to try and change patterns, but honor how I survived. And, uh, you know, one of the things for me recently, um, that, that was really hard, uh, you know, if you don't follow me on, on social media, um, which I think a lot of our listeners do, right? They seem on TikTok, um, you know, me and my husband, I had talked like a year and a half, two years ago that we, we wanted to have another baby. And, uh, you know, in August of, of 20, what? 2022, we made the decision, okay, we're, we're gonna start trying. Um, and, you know, we had wanted to start well before that, but, you know, pandemic, and I know there's so many excuses, but there was the pandemic, um, our dog of, you know, 13 years had, had passed away.
And there was all these things that just, it just didn't feel like the right time. And then in August we're like, there's never a right time, but we feel as ready as we will be. We're gonna start trying. And in, in March of this year, we got, we got the plus, right? We got pregnant. And, um, so happy, so excited. And then I was actually presenting at my studio. Um, and I, I was, I, when I got home, I felt a little funny. And that day, um, I, I thought I'd had a miscarriage. And it was, I, I don't know if there was ever a more devastating moment in my adult life except for maybe my son going into the hospital. Um, you know, when he was real sick last fall, and I, I was crushed. And I told my husband, um, he was actually standing in the bathroom with me, and I was like, I think I just, I just lost the baby.
And, um, you know, I, I had an appointment coming up in just a few days and I, I wasn't really in a lot of pain. And I was like, okay, well, let's just accept that I've lost the baby. The baby's gone. And, and then I got into my head that, um, it happened because I was on my feet too much. It happened because I was doing chores around the house. I wasn't resting enough. It, this happened because in some way, the universe did not want me to have a baby. And it, it immediately went to, I'm bad. And this happened because I'm bad. And, uh, I had told you, I had told my sister, obviously my husband knew my mother and father-in-law, and then my best friend Caitlyn, um, they were, uh, and, and, and my friend Nicole, she had, she had flown in. She was actually in town when I was going through this.
And, um, and I, I told everyone that I, I, I assume I had lost the baby, but we'll find out at my appointment if I did. But I had already gone to immediately, I know it, I know it. Something's wrong. And so my appointment was on my birthday, which I was off of work, which was just by, you know, happenstance. I was off of work. And I go to the appointment, I tell them, I think I miscarried, and I'm, I'm sitting there, they go, you know, do the, do the ultrasound on my belly. And they go, no, there's a baby right there, there's a heartbeat. Um, and I just start bawling, right? I'm just crying. They, and they're like, happy tears. I'm like, I am. I'm so happy. I go. But I'm so shocked. I told my husband I didn't want him at the appointment.
Um, I told him that, you know, that night it was my birthday. Let's just eat my favorite meal. Let's just you and, and then let's, let's grieve in the way that we need to, and then, and then move on. And I remember sitting in the waiting room and I'm feeling all of these complex emotions right? About, wow, I was so wrong. And oh my God, I didn't have to say I was a bad person this last week. And, and, you know, I was going into work presenting, you know, during all of this. And I know I didn't have to, I know I could have told you, Victor, I'm struggling. This is tough, but I, I wanted, I could. So I did. I decided to keep going and keep presenting. And, and I remember sitting there and then taking a picture of the ultrasound and sending it to my husband.
And he sent back like five question marks, five exclamation points. He goes, what does this mean? I'm like, well, the, the baby's still here. And, um, I didn't have great reception, so he's trying to call me and trying to call me and, and he can't, can't get through me. And, um, you know, all of my feelings I had, I know they were valid. I know they were valid. But what I did to myself was, I said, this happened cuz I'm bad. This happened because of something in the world. I, I in some way deserve this. No one deserves to, to, to be infertile, to, to miscarry, to have a stillbirth, to have a child pass away. No one deserves that. But that's what I did to myself. I created a whole narrative and a whole story that somehow this happened. Now I feel very, very fortunate.
Um, they, they call it a threatened miscarriage, um, where, where you, you know, bleed and, and things like that. Um, and I, I feel so very fortunate and, and lucky that we are still pregnant, we're still pregnant, we're every baby's healthy. Um, but all of that worry, all of that doom, right? I created it. Now, I don't think I'm bad for it. I think I'm human, but the awareness is every time I've had a pain since then, or if I had something that, you know, I didn't experience in my first pregnancy, I, I am very, very aware of I'm not going to, something detrimental is happening. It could be Victor, right? It could be that something catastrophic happens that is quite honestly out of my hands. But instead of going right to that and pushing myself into a panic, um, doctor said, just call us.
Call us and come in. Um, and so I've done that twice and both times there was nothing wrong. You know, it's just a different pregnancy than my first. And, um, they were like, Nope, that's what you're, that's why we're here. This is why we're doing what we're doing. And I feel like I'm, I, I do feel proud of myself that I'm, I'm, I'm trying to, to reroute those thoughts before they turn into that, that, that really self shame feeling. Right? And it's, and it's really difficult not to go there. And so, I mean, it's great. It, it's just a lot of work.
VICTOR
Why, why do you think, And, and I'm just, this just came mind. Yeah. Why do you think people like you and I, and I'm sure obviously we're not the only two, why do you think people do do that? As opposed to, okay, like Tony Robbins, I, I think of this statement, see things for the way they are, but don't see them worse than they are. Mm-hmm. , which is a great thing to live by. It's one thing to know that and to actually, you know, uh, cuz obviously see it for what it is. It could have been that when it happened, right? It could have been that, but don't see it worse than it is like, okay, if it is this, this is how I I I sum up what happened in that situation. Okay? It could be that it could be a, a miscarriage. It could be why as soon as you say why, well, cuz I'm bad.
That's when you start seeing it worse than it is. I mean, granted, miscarrying a baby itself is, it's horrible. But when you add that, what did I do to deserve this? I'm a bad person, my child, you know, like, it's all this stuff that comes to a head. Like, why do some people, is it because of that, do you think? Is it because of of of the way we are programmed growing up? And then some people would look at it and go, okay, yeah, maybe it is this, I'm gonna go to the doctor and check it out. Like,
DEANNA
Right. Um, again, so I always try and go back to what I'm learning in therapy. What I've learned in therapy, it is the patterns we learned and the patterns that we have used in the past that, that are, again, it's a pattern. It's something that we, I hate to say, feel stuck in, but that I, I never really knew any other way to think, you know? Um, if I as a child had said to my parents, it is not my fault that the hot water got shut off, it is not my fault that there's black mold in the ceiling. It is not, that would've put me in danger. So what I did is I immediately turned it to, if I just sit here and nod my head and agree, yes, it is my fault, yes, it is, it is my fault that the dirty clothes are on the floor.
Yeah, it is. Um, it's, it's, it's my fault that the, that we don't have electricity this week. It is my fault. That would stop the yelling. Or at least for a period, it would in a way almost deflect some of the other abuse because I just agreed with it. And so in, in adulthood to challenge that pattern is, is an act of rebellion. And in my pattern puts me in danger. Now it doesn't, you know, there's plenty of time. I mean, I'm married, right? There's plenty of times where me and and my husband, you know, don't always see eye to eye. You know, we bump heads and it is terrifying in, in the start, in that first second of a disagreement or to, to even with other people or with my own thoughts. It is terrifying to challenge it. Um, but it's, it's being a student of self to do that, you know?
Um, part of grounding, you know, being in the here and now is asking yourself the reality check are, are the bricks falling down around me? Right? Am I in danger for doing this? Am am I, am I gonna hurt myself or hurt somebody else by standing up against this thought? And do I think it's automatic? It is so automatic. And even after, I mean, I've been in therapy now since 2015, um, and I did take, you know, uh, a two year break. Uh, it's, it's very interesting how patterns resurface. They resurface. That's why we say healing every day, right? Because they can come back and, and triggers happen. So I do, I think that it can happen to people that have not experienced trauma. Of course we are, we are human as, as Margaret says, we love our stories, we love our narratives, we do, the sound of our voice is very pleasing to ourselves, right? Even if it's just in our head, but it doesn't always make it true. Right? And, and so like you said, part of, you know, confronting that, you know, meeting it head on and being aware of it. So yeah, I, I, I think for a lot of people with trauma, we, we, again, I, I hate to use the word stuck, like, oh, you just better get yourself out of it. It's not that easy. But we're used to that pattern and we almost sometimes feel comfortable in the chaos.
VICTOR
Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. More comfortable to stay where we were or where we are than to change.
DEANNA
Yes.
VICTOR
And it reminds me of, and I brought her name up, Byron Katie, check it out. What is, that's something I studied for a very long time. It's a four question process to turn around stressful thoughts. And you find out a lot of times that, you know, mo most of our stressful thoughts are not true. You know, again, it's that whole thing. Um, so yeah, I, I think, I think this podcast has been great. I, I love, I love that we are, we are ultimately by talking. It's helping me become more self-aware. And hopefully it's helping people that are listening to do the same. Just to be aware and not, you know, I think we sometimes we just, you know, in the past we kind of go through life and you're, you're unconscious of it. You're just going through life and you're an automatic pilot. I think it's good to start thinking about your thinking .
Yeah. And to kind of question things and to, you know, again, it's ultimately, you know, start loving yourself more. And I know that, you know, I don't know how else to say it. And I think, uh, where I'm at in my life is, is, you know, 51 years old and I'm in the, ultimately in the best place I've ever been. Uh, you know, from all perspectives. And if I can change the, the pattern right now is from a father's perspective. My son just started driving. He's got his permit. And I, I took a day where, when I started, like he just said, gimme the keys, let's go. Now, I had taken him to a couple of parking lots in the past before he got his permit. Please don't turn me in. Um,
DEANNA
That and the fishing license, ,
VICTOR
I took him to a parking, I did it more with my daughter, but I would let them drive like around and park. And it is very safe, you know? But of course, I didn't want a police policeman to come by. But anyway, um, he did it a couple times, but when he got his permit, he started driving and the look on his face, like there was this sense of like, he's becoming, he's becoming a man. He's growing up. Like he smiles every time he grabs the keys and he's feeling responsible for something. And I, I just, you know, I'm, let's put it this way, I'm really proud of myself that I'm at a place now. Yes, we go through our things that we talk about in our podcast, but when the really important things are happening in our lives, um, and that is watching our kids go through something. And I can be present with that. That is extremely exciting. And that's what, to me, life is all about. You know?
DEANNA
Absolutely. I wanna be, like you say, present, playful, powerful. I do wanna do all of that. Yeah. And part of that is giving ourselves grace, right? Part of that is learning from our mistakes. Part of that is feeling all of the feelings, including the happiness. Yeah. You know, um, it's, it, it's been a struggle for me to know that it's okay and I deserve to be happy when it happens, right? Like, it's, it's, it's okay. And it's okay to be excited about having another baby. It's, it's okay if I haven't finished my basement, right? It's okay if I burn the food cuz I'm a terrible cook, right? Like, it's, it's all . I am, but I'm, I'm working on it. We talked about this a year ago about cooking more. I'm doing it and it's, it's, again, I, i, the best word I can use is, is fascinating.
It's fascinating how complex we are as individual beings. And then when we get into a sense of friends, family, community, um, how that impacts those, those thoughts, feelings and behaviors too. And, and our relationship with ourselves. So yeah, I mean I think, I think that this podcast was great. Um, very emotional, um, for sure just to, to talk about stuff that is so deep. And that's why I do love doing our podcast because I feel like we get to have a very intimate conversation with each other, but it's like we get to benefit other people too. And they get to have an opportunity of self-reflection and how, how they have their own patterns and how they treat themselves too. Yeah. Their feelings are valid, right? They are. But do we need to take those feelings and kick them into overdrive to create a narrative that is not there? Right.
VICTOR
Right. Well, I think this is a good place to stop. Um, congratulations again. I of course, I've known this for a long time, but, um, yeah. Congratulations. It's so good.
DEANNA
I know, uh, I think Victor was the third person I told behind. Oh, my mother-in-law doesn't listen to the, the, uh, to the podcast, so it doesn't matter. I told my son first. I told my son first, then I told Matt and then I called you .
VICTOR
Yes. And I was at the, I was at my son's baseball game when I picked up the phone
DEANNA
And you were like, you were like, no way. You're like, I, I thought you might have been, cuz I was being real mean the week before. I don't even remember what I was mean about. Um, but you were like, I, I had a feeling me and me and Jackie, um, Victor's, you know, um, best friend and partner for life, right. Um, had said maybe she's pregnant. ,
VICTOR
You said it. I'm like, yeah, I feel the same thing. Cause she's acting a little off .
DEANNA
Matt, Matt said that I go in cycles, you know, since I gotten pregnant. Um, I'll be like super bubbly and super productive and happy and then I'll be a little weepy and then I'm mean. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. Just let me go to my room and do makeup or paint. I've been painting a lot. It's been great. We dabble. So anyway, ,
VICTOR
With that being said, everyone thank you. Please, please, please share this with all your friends and family and check us [email protected]. And if you're interested in any of our books and products, you can go to two 12 victory lane.com. Two 12 victory lane.com. I think it's all in the notes. Uh, check it out. Thank you so much and as always, be present, be playful and be powerful.
DEANNA
Be happy, be healthy. Be safe.
VICTOR
Thanks everyone. Bye.
